jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
