Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
No subtext here. People are naked.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
