Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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