So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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