there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We have started to decorate penises.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Dick very happy bro
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
