She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You dont lie about slip and slides
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
