If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
