Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
