I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just pee around me
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
