You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
