No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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