I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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