So drunk its hurt
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
