wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
