So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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