If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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