i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
