Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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