Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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