i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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