I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
pray to the hookup gods
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
