Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I feel great
I just peed on a car
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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