Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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