watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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