so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
