Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
