I accidentally burped into my bong.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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