He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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