i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
