another moral hangover. fuck.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
