You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Pants are for mortals
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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