Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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