You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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