the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
