omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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