what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
