is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
