we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
