I have demons in me.
my phone needs a breathalizer
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
