all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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