Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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