my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
