I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
