Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
