there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
