I want to have your abortion
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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