just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
