You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
