Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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