me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
