Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
