So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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