Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
