i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Still dying that you shit outside
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
