Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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