Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
