My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
