doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
