he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
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