Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
