hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
