I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
