Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
