Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
