Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
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Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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