i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
