and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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