I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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