Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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