I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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