just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
