You can't motorboat a personality
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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