Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
