1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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