We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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