The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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