A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You ruined the universe
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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