Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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