HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
