some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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