peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
