If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
